Hey dream lovers,
What if you have to “yes and” a “no” feeling? I think a lot of folks see “saying yes” as agreeing with everything, which may be a fun concept for a movie (not naming names), but it’s not always how positivity works.
Sometimes it’s about rolling with your gut feeling when you want to stand up for yourself, set some boundaries, or just decline on an offer that doesn’t quite fit.
I’ve been trying to speak my mind more often, and not accept things that are sort of good. I either want something- or not.
This can be empowering until you get the sense that someone got that same “not” feeling about you. Statistically- it had to happen.
What if that someone is like- GOD, or THE UNIVERSE? That can be hard to come back from.
I started this blog so you could follow my adventures as an up and coming stand up comedian, living and loving in Toronto. In my mind’s eye, there’s a picture of that person. Who is #grateful and knows all the coolest places to get the best drinks. She’s diva on a dime, she’s smart, sassy, and rarely flatulent.
(I threw in that last one because stress gas is very real and we need to talk about it.)
I feel like that person at times, but I’m also scared and tired, and I don’t know how to be funny about that.
I keep telling myself that it takes time, that I’m doing great considering I’ve been here less than a year. But it’s hard to keep that perspective when gigs get cancelled last minute or are more dimly attended than anyone expected, or the important person in the room walks out for a smoke right when you take the stage.
It is about talent and hard work and persistence and being on top of your game, certainly. But it’s also about the stars aligning a certain way. And some folks are sprinkled with a hint of fairy dust.
I’ve spent so much time in my adult life feeling lost, or like I’m on the precipice of something great- and I want to think all this will amount to something. Sometimes it almost does, but success is like a burlesque dancer’s boobs. You keep thinking you’re going to see it, but there’s a lot of fuss and feathers keeping you from it.
Then comes that late night question: What if I never see the boobs?
There are good people, talented people, hard-working people- who never get what they want. Maybe you think I shouldn’t have drank alone this weekend and watched Paris is Burning. Maybe you’re right.
I have to learn to be ok with the fact that this might be it- forever. My day job + getting paid in beer at intimate venues where drunk women tell me they love me.
And that’s a pretty good gig really. I could do much worse.
I keep cycling back to this idea of being happy right the fuck now. Not once I achieve this or that. Every time I come back to that concept it becomes more difficult and more necessary.
I don’t have an answer. But I’m open to suggestions. In the meantime, I have noodles.
A recipe for weary spirits with bellies full of fire.
I’ve been using Rooster Brand noodles a lot lately. The seasoning packet is spicy with a hint of anise- which I really like. Isn’t it funny how you can put anise in anything and people love it but the very mention of black liquorice is enough to send those same people over the edge? I guess some of us have sophisticated palettes, and some of us never painted our lips with goodies (tiny candied liquorice) as children. Sad.
So any way you should have some noodles available to make this, but I’d prepare them last since we don’t like a soggy noodle in this family.
I hard boiled an egg while preparing some frozen dumplings. I’ve only recently figured out how to properly prepare frozen dumplings and I’m a better person for it.
Sautee them around in oil til they get crispy and brown, then pour some cold water into the pan. Just enough to skim the bottoms of the dumplings- don’t go nuts.
Bring the heat down to medium, cover those up and they’ll be super tasty in 5-15 minutes depending on how many you’ve got in there.
I used to just fry them up until they got crispy, then pop them in my mouth and go “ahh hot hot! too hot!” But keep enduring the pain because damned if I’m going to wait 5 minutes to tuck into a delicious meal.
Maybe that’s always been my issue. You know when you let cereal soak up juuust enough milk before you eat it, and it’s always super rewarding? For all I know, there could be some agent thinking about me right now, and I’m the cereal. But that milk is patience, and experience. And I need to soak up enough before the industry eats me up.
Anyway. You drain the noodles, sprinkle a tiny bit of seasoning salt on top, whirl them around in a hint of coconut oil, then stick your dumplings and optional egg on top. It feels super indulgent and is my favourite, most comforting noodle dish.
Pairs well with most Billy Joel songs- but I’m partial to this one.